Califailure — Assault with a deadly…… Mannequin

You know what’s coming.

Video report at the link.

LANCASTER (CBS) — A woman suspected of shoplifting used a mannequin to wreak chaos at a discount store in Lancaster Monday.

Sheriff’s deputies were called to “Discount City” shortly before 4:30 p.m. at 1061 East Avenue J.

A woman was caught shoplifting by a store employee when she decided to snatch an innocent mannequin and use it to attack the worker, according to the Lancaster Sheriff’s Department.

The employee said the suspect threw the mannequin, bedecked in a floral dress, at her. The woman was apparently trying to stall the employee to make an escape — she then used a nearby fire extinguisher to break a store window and her husband pulled her from the outside.

The suspect managed to flee the store but deputies caught up to her near a cemetery.

And here it is……

The State Of California – Mannequin Protection Act Of 2011.

Permits for civilian ownership of mannequins will be granted or denied on a case-by-case basis.

All civilians must register their mannequins with the newly created Dummy Oversight & Protection Enterprise Agency (D.O.P.E.).

Carrying a concealed mannequin by civilians is banned in Califailure.

All mannequin owners residing in Califailure limited to manually adjusted units ; No automatically adjusting or programmable motorized units allowed for civilian ownership in the state.

All mannequins produced and-or sold in Califailure to be serialized ; No ‘grandfathering’ ; Mannequin stands to be serialized ; Only one type of mannequin stand allowed to be used and-or sold in Califailure – Full round or oval base. Tripod and other base types have been deemed unsafe for children to play around in shops.

Importation of mannequins, mannequin parts and accessories into Califailure from any location prohibited.

Mannequins may be sold, repaired and serviced ONLY by licensed persons under the Califailure Mannequin Operators Retailers Engineers Sellers Handlers In-state Transport program (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T.)

Mannequin purchases by civilians limited to one per month.

Transportation of mannequins by permitted owners must fall under safe guidelines under the ‘three step rule’ — 1. Mannequins in vehicles may not be within easy reach of the driver – 2. Mannequins must be in a securely locked case – 3. Mannequins must be disassembled in at least two halves, if not in several sections.

No one under the age of 21 shall be granted a mannequin owners permit.

All violators of The Califailure Regulatory Act for Mannequin Protection (C.R.A.M.P.) are to be prosecuted as Class 1 Felons under state law.

The ‘Real Doll’™ series and all it’s accessories are not technically mannequins and therefore not covered under this act, as the The ‘Real Doll’™ series is used solely for deviant sexual behavior, which is encouraged by The State Of Califailure.

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“It can’t happen here.”

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Kenny Solomon
Israel Survival Updates

10…… 9…… 8…… 7…………
Tool up…… It’s coming…… You know…… “It”.

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